New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
