..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
