Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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