just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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