I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
