I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
