found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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