i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
