im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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