Me too!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
