so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
