he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
