also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
