Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
