Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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