At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
