My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can text with my tongue
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
