I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
