I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
