you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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