While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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