The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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