anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
