she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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