ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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