My room smells like vodka and shame
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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