I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
