i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize