You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
