For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
