If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As shirtless as possible
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
