i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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