Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
