By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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