Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize