In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
