I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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