I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
