Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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