the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
