If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
