I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
