I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
