I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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