Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
