no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
