party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
