And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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