yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
