you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
