and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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