He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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