im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
