You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
