Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
