On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
