when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
