Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
