Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
