Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
