Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
